exhusband = controlling, manipulative abuser who deserves a face spanking

Here’s a little window to what I went through today. Asa, the soon to be ex-husband, called me, and was trying to be civil, and asked me if Stephanie was at work. It was obvious to me that he was trying to manipulate me (like usual). He explained that the court had lost the document stating that I had been served the papers. He tried to pressure me into something by saying things like, “if she doesn’t sign it, we will have to start all over again”.

Here’s the phone message – word, for fucking word, which he left after I said, “fine then, let’s start over.” I had to hang up on him after hearing him angrily say things like, “If you take me to court, you will lose.” I heard him take off on a rant, and I knew it wasn’t healthy for me, so… “I can’t talk to you right now.” His voice changed dramatically. On the voicemail he sounds like he's lost control, and he's vulnerable. He sounded scared.

"Ruth, I need you to call me back. I need Stephanie to sign this form. She already signed it. The legal office lost it. That's not my fault, it's not your fault, it's not Stephanie's fault. But, it is a document that's already signed. I need her to sign that document. I'm going to ask her to sign that document. Because, the fact of the matter is, she did serve you those papers and that's all this document says, and that's the truth. If you want to manipulate something, you're essentially lying. You can do that if you want to, that's fine, that's your prerogative. I'm going to ask Stephanie to sign these papers anyway.

I'd appreciate if you'd call me back, and we could do this like civilized human beings, if you want to fight about it, that's fine. If you want to go to court, that is a bad idea, Ruth. I have bank statements that say that you spent money carelessly, and I have a uniform with decorations on it, and the Judge is going to see that. He's going to see you as a woman that spent my money, and he's going to see me as someone who served his country. I don't think it's going to come out in your favor. That's just me giving you a free piece of advice.

If you want to go to court, I'm more than happy to go to court. I will ask for alimony. I will get it. You make more money than me. I'm an E-4, unmarried, living in the barracks. I'm not making any kind of money. So you, you are in sales, making all kinds of money. I'll ask for alimony and then I'll get it. But whatever you want to do. Call me back. I'm on my way to your office." –Asa 4:18pm 7-19-
The only true statement in the whole message is this –“she did serve you those papers” everything else is fiction. Stephanie did serve me those papers, and that is why she signed the document he needed her to sign. But, if he thinks that I’m just going to give in, he’s going to wish that he had shown me some kindness, some grace, some understanding. I cannot measure the patience and understanding that I showed him throughout our relationship and when he came back from his deployment.

Right now, Asa is living in our old apartment paying half of the rent and making about $400 more than I am a month. He’s being paid as a Marine Cpl living off base, with a dependant (me). I moved in with Stephanie, and stayed on her futon until I was gifted with the ability to sublet from a friend. Thanks Clayton.

Some background information: He forced me out of our apartment, he wouldn’t leave, and he was constantly seducing me, trying to persuade me to give him another opportunity. I couldn’t give him another chance. I knew that the way he treated me was a part of him, there wasn’t a way for him to change that, counseling would only be a waste of time. I had to leave. I let him know that I was moving out in the coming weekend, so that day he found a roommate, gave me a call and said that I needed me to move out that day, because they were already moving in. I left work early, bought garbage bags, and ran to the rental office. I removed my name from the lease and let them know that there were others moving in. I was ridiculously stressed. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I just wanted to get out. I left all but the bedroom there. Later on, when I said that I wanted some other things, I didn’t get a fair shake, I would like some dishes, half of the appliances, etcetera… Asa told me that I would have to take him to court. I said okay, I’d see him in court.

Honestly, the kid should be a lawyer; he’s extremely talented at manipulating things in his favor, making others see what he wants them too. It’s funny to me, however, how ridiculously stupid he thinks I am. He thinks that all his negative speech is going to dissuade me from standing up for myself. Honestly, it’s worked up to a point. The longer I’m away from him, the stronger I get. I spent too long being torn down by him, It’s time to fight.

Thank god for the strong women around me, who were in almost the exact same relationship with an abuser. Their ex-husbands/boyfriends and mine would get along superbly. Only in their relationships, things went a lot further than they went in mine. Asa was only physically abusive one time. Their ex’s were ridiculously abusive. Asa is incredibly controlling and manipulative, but I escaped before a lot of those things could develop. I escaped without child. I became stronger in his absence. I started to be myself again once he left. It was crazy how well I flourished in his absence.

Shit, I have to sleep.