Dork is me.

This is random beyond belief… not at all polished and too much fucking information. Oh well, there’s not enough time to make it good. So I’ll just let it ride.
What if there was no lightNothing wrong, nothing rightWhat if there was no timeAnd no reason or rhymeWhat if you should decideThat you don't want me there by your sideThat you don't want me there in your life
What if I got it wrongAnd no poem or songCould put right what I got wrongOr make you feel I belongWhat if you should decideThat you don't want me there by your sideThat you don't want me there in your life
Refr:Oooh, that's rightLet's take a break, try to put it asideOooh, that's rightI can't ignore it if you won't even tryOooh, that's right
When every step that you takeCan be your biggest mistakeAnd it could bend or it could breakWell that's just the risk that you takeWhat if you should decideThat you don't want me there by your sideThat you don't want me there in your life
Refr.
Oooh, that's rightLet's take a break, try to put it asideOooh, that's rightYou know that diamonds are reflective to lightOooh, that's right
What If by Coldplay


As Asa, my ex-husband to be (for those of you just tuning in), would put it quite often… “You can -what if- yourself to death.” It’s true. I would always come up with these scenarios in my head that could possibly happen, and of course this was driving me a little crazy… not that I’m not a little to a lot crazy already. When I’m unsure of something I think of all the possibilities, eventually if I push it far enough I end up in self-doubt, which is not pretty.
Sometimes, depending on the relationship, I whisper inside my head, he loves you, he loves you, don’t be a fool, he love’s you. It seems to get harder and harder to trust when a boy (that I like, in particular) says those words to me. Then even if it’s completely irrational, my stupid gut takes over and guides the rest of me.
If it’s good, it’s really fucking good, and if it’s not good, well, it’s very not good.
It’s that whole fear of abandonment thing that I attribute to my mother leaving when I was nine. My fear that those I love will leave me. It’s part of my sexual thing. I’m possibly a little over sexed. Using sex to feel loved to feel as though I won’t be left. Though, my therapist will tell me that I’m doing very well, and in spite of feeling like I’m not worth it, I have been carrying out actions that demonstrate the opposite. Have you read Emotional Alchemy? Yeah well, I took a credit-free night class about it. I know… I’m a self-help dorkified weirdo. I have been trying to heal myself for a long time.
So onto being healthy, wait, no, onto becoming healthier, that is my mission.
We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you a little goodness from Arcade Fire. … … …
Somethin' filled upmy heart with nothin',someone told me not to cry. But now that I'm older,my heart's colder,and I can see that it's a lie. Children wake up,hold your mistake up,before they turn the summer into dust. If the children don't grow up,our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.We're just a million little god's causin rain storms turnin' every good thing to rust. I guess we'll just have to adjust. With my lighnin' bolts a glowin'I can see where I am goin' to bewhen the reaper he reaches and touches my hand. With my lighnin' bolts a glowin'I can see where I am goin?With my lighnin' bolts a glowin'I can see where I am go-goin? You better look out below! Wake Up by Arcade Fire